Regaining control

It has been a while since I felt I had a good amount of will power. I recall myself as a child with a strong resolve, someone who made decisions and stuck by them by hell or high water... even if I was wrong. Some called me stubborn, others arrogant, but one thing was fore sure; I was in control of myself.

Those days have long gone... I feel myself so unsure of what I am doing and where I want to head with my life. This is one of the costs of leaving home and deciding to experience life on the road. You can go anywhere, but you start to lose direction, and part of that I felt was that I was losing control of myself.

I know Farah must be sick and tired about my promises to reform whether it be to stop smoking, start eating healthy, study, consider her feelings more and not judge her etc.... I mean all these things are part and parcel of the failings of humankind, but I am getting sick of it. I am tired of being a slave to my passions, doing things my head knows is wrong. I mean I have had an upset stomach for like a long time and I know one of the key problems is coffee i.e. I should stop drinking coffee... but I haven't and I suffer the consequences. This is just one example of how weak my will power has become.

So I have recently finished reading the life story of Gandhi; Firstly i have to recommend it to anyone, anywhere as a must read, this man surely was the greatest man of the 20th Century if not that Millennium. But beyond learning about the struggle of India's independence I have been inspired to gain control. The more I think about Gandhi the more I am convinced he is one of the modern day examples of how Jesus wanted us to live. Now i do think Gandhi did go a little too far, like he abstained from sex for the majority of his life, although he was married....:-S But in all seriousness his philosophy is flawless.

He embraced all faiths, although he was a practicing Hindu, he believed so firmly in non-violence that he would die rather than fight against the violence that nearly destroyed India. He brought people together rather than the way most of us divide and most importantly he had complete control over himself and could fast for weeks.

So today i have fasted. Not a big deal I know, but a small step towards me getting a hold of my emotions and improving my understanding of myself, and hopefully becoming a better husband for Farah. Next is coffee :-o