The year that just past

I sit here in my Villa in Al-Satwa, Dubai, UAE and I have this wonderful sense of achievement, of battles fought and won. The year is over and on opposite sides of the world Farah and I are both breathing a collective sigh of relief. Farah gets on a plane on Sunday and we will be together on Monday evening... Future flights will be spent side by side :-)

This year has been tough, really tough, to the point of soul destroying in a way. But here we are... At the end, souls in tact, minds relatively stable and we now both know a lot more about each other and ourselves. Trust me when you live in the phone and msn with your partner you learn much more about their mind as all you can do is communicate through words, spoken and written, nothing more (well next to nothing more :-p). Add to this many weekends at home alone and you start to become very introspective, a little too introspective :-s

The past week has been mainly one of reflection for me, thinking about what has happened in this phase of my life. It's a phase that started over two and a half years ago and was finished off with the past year in Dubai.

I can't even begin to summarise what I have seen, the places I have been, people I have met in the past few years. I spent a little time last night looking at some of my photos on the web and I was struck with the blessed life I have led to date. I mean how lucky am I to have decided to leave Australia and have it work out the way it has.

I wonder if I have changed since leaving? I feel much the same in many respects and others I am a completely different person..... "Yo, yo no soy yo" I believe would be the way to say it. After watching Motorcycle Diaries twice in the past month I can't help but feel a little inspired about what lays ahead.

Beyond learning how little I know about things in my recent years I have managed to add some wisdom to my minuscule knowledge during my travels....

I think one of the main things I have learnt is how I won the lottery being born in Australia in the family I did. After you see how most of the world lives you really get a sense of what really is a "normal" life and this is not what we have in the west. This will never leave me, I know I am blessed. I just need to learn what to do with this blessing.

The state of the world's natural environment has also pressed itself into the forefront of my mind whilst being here in Dubai. I mean people on average don't know anything about the environment and if they do the majority don't care. And after seeing what people do to the Earth out here I am very aware that we are in deciding times and the fate of the world rests with our generation.

People are all pretty much the same, well deep down anyway. On the surface and a little below that however :-o It really is amazing how culture shapes the surface of people, our opinions and habits.... We are funny creatures. Shame that we use these exterior variances in behaviour as excuses for hate, fear and war. Guess it all comes down to the ego. If we get over ourselves, are comfortable with who we are then we wont be so racist and judgemental...

Other things learnt:

• Being alone sux
• There is no way Christianity is the only way to God (not a chance!)
• Money is funny and people love it cause they're irrational (it cannot provide happiness, ever)
• The west is stupid in a whole other bunch of ways, when compared to the east
• The developing world is buying into the west's irrational ideas of meaning and achievement
• Small things are often where happiness hides itself. Lying on a green field watching the clouds pass, costs nothing and it's priceless.
• Freedom is in our minds
• Never to old to learn something new.... Starting the Oud has inspired me to learn more new things. Thankfully I have lovely Farah who will be able to teach me the instrument I have always wanted to learn => The violin!
• Nothing better than feeling at home in a place (and you can manage to feel at home in the most unfarmiliar places.... Although home will always be where you were brought up, I still get teary when I listen to Australian music, watch an Australian movie or some SBS or ABC...)

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Anyway, enough waffle.... I just look forward to holding Farah's hand and planning our life together, step by step.... There are many more things to see and no longer will my road be walked alone.....

The final straight

Here I am, 19 days until Farah arrives here in Dubai. I can hardly believe it! I often wonder the world she has painted in her head for Dubai.... I remember the pictures I had in my head before I arrived, shaped mainly by the movie Syriana and various other Gulf State stereotypes... Add to these things the hype about Dubai as this mecca of shopping and all things that are excessive about the consumer culture, then add some Islam and Indians into the mix.... Wow the pictures she must have painted indeed.

So on Monday, 13th August, 8:30pm she will land in this strange land and I will have about 60 hours to show her about. What will I show? To be true to my life here I will have to take her for a run in the afternoon to the beach in the 40C heat, then to my lovely little Gym and to my Shwarma man, and to my little Indian food place... And the walk home from work... I can wait for her to taste the life I have been leading here. I know that it has been a frustrating year for us. For her with not knowing what's happening over here and me trying to make up for it but failing.... It will be nice for things to be on an even setting. For us to be together, for experiences to be shared rather than explained over the phone or the internet.

Reality has not been here for the past year. Life has flown by and I have seen things and done things, but much of it was all leading to this point, 19 days into the future from this moment. If I had my time again I would have dragged Farah here... She would not have been able to argue. But a year ago I was a very different man and Farah a very different woman. I was even discouraging Farah from coming!!?!.... This year has made us who we are now, so I guess it was worth it, in a strange, such is life kinda way....

Well I am off to walk home, through the back streets of Satwa, past all the Indian workers waiting for their bus to the labour camps, the locals chatting in the street, traffic almost killing me, dust almost chocking me... And the promise of a run and some shwarma only a few thousand paces away....

I will miss this place in a way. But am ecstatic about leaving and marrying my love... The adventure I have always dreamed about it starting very soon!

The ticking of the clock

Life is just now a ticking of the clock down until the 13th of August. The day my contract with Visa ends and the day Farah arrives in Dubai. I can hardly believe that this time is so near. I remember arriving here in August last year as if it were just yesterday, gosh my mind was so different back then. I have changed so much in this past year. Dubai and time alone have played a big parts in this.

I do not think any fundamental things have changed within me but one thing is for sure is that some things have become very much clearer to me.

One is that marriage is not for suckers, rather it is for people who value team work and sharing everything with the one they love. I always imagined that I was a loner who had no desire to pool hearts and minds with another person. But this really changed from around late September last year…. Travelling alone to Morocco and Russia served as a good reminder that experiencing great things alone is only half the fun… And it was at this time that I felt myself becoming more certain that Farah was the one for me… Anyways the rest there is history and we shall be married in under two months, which for me is extremely exciting and not in the slightest bit nerve wracking, which surprises me, but I know I have found my number one, so all is smiles.

My view about the world has also changed a lot since being out here. I have seen both ends of the wealth spectrum (to a degree at least anyways). I have seen the opulent, wasteful lives of the western expats here, and been thoroughly disgusted and then seen how I have, to a small degree, begun to behave like these rich, bloated expats and have become suitably ashamed of myself. I have seen the poor desperate lives the majority of people live, as people come to Dubai from Asia, Africa and Eastern Europe in search of a better life. I have come to realise why people behave the way they do, why Indians are pushy, why Russians have no scruples. When you are desperate priorities a plainly different, something I really never have had a chance to appreciate in my life. Inshallah I will never have to be (too) desperate!

The final thing is the environment. It was rather like fate that I saw the Inconvenient Truth in July 06 whilst in Canada, just weeks before arriving in Dubai. This really set the scene for what has become a paradigm shift in the way I view the world. I mean much of it was brewing, but I always thought of things through the equality mind set. That the world was unfair, not the world was unsustainable. I have read much on this topic of climate change, of sustainable economics and lifestyles and add to this what I have seen in Dubai, and well I just have to say the world looks different now. This planet is in a precarious position and we are all playing our part. I with all my international air travel am playing a huge part in damaging our environment…

So what really has come out of my time here is an appreciation of how lucky I have it. I have a beautiful woman who loves me and have a privileged and comfortable lifestyle. Although this can make me feel guilty I must also be thankful for it and not waste the opportunities I have been given.

And with all this comes my sense of responsibility to need to do something to help make this world at least some what of a better play (gosh I am naive and ignorant…. I love it!). Which places me exactly where I am: About to marry an amazing woman I love but having no idea what to do with my career/life… All I want to do is sustain Farah and I (and maybe a little brown/white child) and contribute to improving the state of the world. Add to this, meaningful relationships with other people, learning new things along the way and communing with God and I will have a full and satisfied life. I have no desire to own an expensive car (unless green cars are expensive), nor an expensive house (unless green houses are expensive). Positional wealth is an insane concept and reeks of insecurity. If you need money and expensive material possessions to feel achievement than you have something missing in your life, something that no matter how hard you try, money will not replace….

So I know the outcome I want. I just don’t know the means… Do I go back to uni and do an environmental science degree? A law degree? Do I work my arse off and get into the finance industry and try and reform investment practices to include environmental concerns? Gosh…. I wish I knew… Well thankfully my decisions will no longer be alone… All future decisions will have the input and support of Farah… So for now I will leave decisions until we’re together J

Oudacious

It has been almost eight years since I first fell in love with the Arabic style of music. It was August 1999 and Matt and I went to see the Tea Party at Shellys in Shellharbour. Jeff Martin, lead singer of the Tea Party was on stage and he came to the front of the stage and he said "this is the Oud"..... and started to play the song "the halcyon days" off the album Triptych.... I was sold....

So now I am taking lessons in this magical and mysterious instrument of the East... Mr. Nasser is my instructor and I am on my road to taking my first musical lessons in over ten years! It's amazing that I have never invested more time in music. For something I love so much I really have let this one slide. It has always been on my list of things to do but it has never become reality.

The idea of reading music... My eyes lit up when I started to realise that there is this whole language that music has, written down, there for the taking and I have been up until now totally illiterate... I remember hanging with Farah's friends in London, all of them musical geniuses, Farah included of course. I just put it all in the "wow, wish I could do that" box and left it there. It's funny how I do that so often, but no longer. I am learning the language of music and I am learning it through the oud....

I can't even begin to explain how happy I am to know that being with Farah means that music will be central to my future. It is something we put on the list of things to consume and not produce.... Too often we forget that music is about expression and understanding, not just a sexy film clip and a few exciting sound bites....

And next week I am off to Estonia to see Farah sing in an Opera competition, and thus my life of music continues. Very, very exciting times :-D

Regaining control

It has been a while since I felt I had a good amount of will power. I recall myself as a child with a strong resolve, someone who made decisions and stuck by them by hell or high water... even if I was wrong. Some called me stubborn, others arrogant, but one thing was fore sure; I was in control of myself.

Those days have long gone... I feel myself so unsure of what I am doing and where I want to head with my life. This is one of the costs of leaving home and deciding to experience life on the road. You can go anywhere, but you start to lose direction, and part of that I felt was that I was losing control of myself.

I know Farah must be sick and tired about my promises to reform whether it be to stop smoking, start eating healthy, study, consider her feelings more and not judge her etc.... I mean all these things are part and parcel of the failings of humankind, but I am getting sick of it. I am tired of being a slave to my passions, doing things my head knows is wrong. I mean I have had an upset stomach for like a long time and I know one of the key problems is coffee i.e. I should stop drinking coffee... but I haven't and I suffer the consequences. This is just one example of how weak my will power has become.

So I have recently finished reading the life story of Gandhi; Firstly i have to recommend it to anyone, anywhere as a must read, this man surely was the greatest man of the 20th Century if not that Millennium. But beyond learning about the struggle of India's independence I have been inspired to gain control. The more I think about Gandhi the more I am convinced he is one of the modern day examples of how Jesus wanted us to live. Now i do think Gandhi did go a little too far, like he abstained from sex for the majority of his life, although he was married....:-S But in all seriousness his philosophy is flawless.

He embraced all faiths, although he was a practicing Hindu, he believed so firmly in non-violence that he would die rather than fight against the violence that nearly destroyed India. He brought people together rather than the way most of us divide and most importantly he had complete control over himself and could fast for weeks.

So today i have fasted. Not a big deal I know, but a small step towards me getting a hold of my emotions and improving my understanding of myself, and hopefully becoming a better husband for Farah. Next is coffee :-o

Time for a change

The time has come for a change in approach to many things, work, exercise, diet, life goals and blogging. I have started a combined blog with my lovely wife to be Farah and this is www.farahandlucas.blogspot.com This will be our combined blog where we will whinge about being apart (for the next four months) and will then be a log of our travels and experiences together as a married couple. In the 21st Century this, I guess, is a first step in becoming one, a union of our digital lives... Interesting thing to think about anyways.

I will continue to write on this blog as my time in Dubai winds down and I will write into the future also, about thoughts I am having and life in general as I think I still need an individual chance to rant.... So this is what this blog will be.. more of an ideas blog after Aug 13th. All travel and the like will be on our joint blog as finally travel and these experiences will be together. I think the individual travel thing should be summed up here:

It has been a very insightful experience, my time alone here, organising trips (eleven business trips in the past eight months) to places like Moscow, Casablanca, Riyadh, Muscat etc. And all travelled alone. I am really glad that I have done this as I would have always wondered how I would have handled things alone were Farah and I to start our lives together straight after London. I always remember Nick talking about being a team player, and I always found myself thinking that's not me, I prefer to do things on my own. Well I am glad to learn that I too am a team player. Playing by yourself is no fun and playing with a different person on every trip isnt fun either. Rather I have learnt that the best thing will be to experience different things with the same person and grow with them. I am sick of sitting in taxis, airports, planes, hotel rooms, resturaunts all alone. I can handle it, I mean I can handle just about anything, I am a pretty tough guy. But I just don't enjoy it.

So I will be going into life with Farah knowing full well that it is what I want and it is also what is best for me as a person. I know we will grow together and challenge each other but most important we will help make each other happy.

So the road is in the final stretch now, 115 days and we have made it. So the plan for these final days is really to focus and keep my head down. Study, set myself up for a good job in Toronto, save money, prepare for the wedding and pre-wedding honeymoon and of course stay sane :-) I have things to look forward to, Farah and I are going to Parnu in Estonia at the start of June to see Farah sing in a Opera contest there, and then depending on funds Farah might come out to Dubai in the end of June. So there are things doing, but I just guess this is a chance to enjoy my last months of life truly alone. I have a feeling it will be spent reading many a book as I really have hit a patch of reading and when I hit these patches I am best to run with it...

Well that's the story as it is. I am feeling good, a little bored here and very ready to leave, but also very focused on the task at hand and the great life Farah and I have ahead of us.

God I hate Dubai!

God I hate Dubai! It is funny when I think about how I will look back at my time here… a time spent learning so much about things I only read about in books. Learning about how unfair the world is, how unequal the distribution of resources is. But here I am after being here for 8 months and I have had enough of it all!

The sad thing is that all I want to do is run away from it all and bury my head in the sand of a comfortable western lifestyle, once again immune and ignorant to the plight of the majority. But to tell you the truth it really weighs you down seeing how unfair the world is to people and how lucky I have it. I mean I lie on my bed having a nice Saturday afternoon siesta and I feel guilty as the gardener is outside, slaving away in the sun. I know the low wages he earns, I know he is going back to a room he shares with several other people, I know he doesn’t have a kitchen, I know he rarely sees his family, the list goes on. And my gardener has it better than the laborer, who lives in the “labor camps” outside the city limits, where they even resort to eating cats for food (yes this was front page news a few months back - http://secretdubai.blogspot.com/2007/01/kitty-kebabs.html). And then I have to think about India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, where these people have come from, where conditions are infinitely worse.

It’s enough to make you scream to the heavens “My God, my God, why have you forsaken them all????”

So my question is; Where to from here? I mean all good and well for me to go off and move back into the world I consider normal and enjoy myself, but is there not more I owe this world. I now know that I am clearly in the top one percent of the world’s people when it comes to wealth and resources. What should I do about all this? One need look no further than the Bible: Jesus Said: But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your comfort already (Luke 6:24). I mean what does this say for our next life, we privileged top percent of the global pecking order? Are we enjoying now at the expense of tomorrow… Anyways it’s all a bit much for me at the moment.

It just shocks me, that is all. I mean is it okay to be wealthy whilst others starve? I mean I am not even wealthy. By western standards I am merely middle class, nothing more. Should the mode of comparison be local, national or global? I have to think with globalization and all the benefits it brings it also brings responsibilities. No longer can we be immune to the plight of those thousands of miles away. And me, I am much closer to the slums of Mumbai, than I am to the comfortable suburbs of Wollongong where I grew up.

I guess what aggravates this frustration more is the way some live out here. Those in my office worry themselves with which series BMW or Mercedes someone drives…. I know an expat manager here who owns a 7 series BMW and a Ferrari!?!!? I mean when is enough enough? I would think an Indian would have more sympathy to the plight of the impoverished, given they were faced with it every day as they grew up. But I think they are more used to it than the average western person and accept it as a fact of life, part of the cosmic balance of the universe (a key tenant to the functioning of the caste system).

Well it is not for me to judge. All I can say is that I have learnt that this world is a harsh place, but not a place devoid of hope and opportunity; I mean people out here are making a better life for themselves and their families back home. I just wish I knew where to head from here. Well I am confident in the fact that I have chosen the ideal life partner, one who shares all these concerns with me and that together we can at least try to make some kind of difference, rather than just make ourselves feel good about ourselves and less guilty about the kind fortunes that God has bestowed upon us.

Ha! But then one sees the IPCC report released this week and well…. Once again the poor lose out. Sometimes I cannot help but think God has it in for the less fortunate. Or maybe there is no God and it is up to us, the more fortunate ones to make things right. Maybe God was invented as someone to blame for the plight of the less fortunate, a convenient excuse for us to sit back, relax having a siesta, and do nothing to make these horribly unjust things right.